Lust for Life

Its so sad to say that im still haunted by everything that happened and i loathe myself for it.  what's the use of grieving over something that's not even mine in the first place?  what's the use of wasting my tears over something that i know will eventually happen? all of a sudden it feels like a heavy load has been lifted off of my heart that im over him. i like him but never too much that i would put myself through that ever again. maybe one day i'll forget all the things about u, Cil. but i will never forget the way u made me feel. the way u left a permanent stain that can never be undone.

when life starts getting better and you start looking up to it, then you get hit with the worst things possible; thats sucks.  fuck my heart for still aching and for still trying to believe in love because im done with that. love gives me nothing but pain and haunting memories i can never go back to; back when i thought i was just a little special when im nothing but a decent opportunity funny how i decided to break my walls for someone, and here i am-- ended up building it tall again. taller this time